Sun!!! Glorious, glorious sun!
What more could one ask for than to have a long weekend, AND gorgeous weather? How about some anti-perspirant? More in a moment, but let me get a couple of items out of the way first this morning.
Apparently you can put a price on ‘traumatization’. Victoria teen, Willow Kinloch, was awarded $60,000 in punitive damages in the civil trial she launched after obtaining video of her encounter in a Victoria jail.
Personally, I think this award is a joke. See my previous post for my full views on this case here: http://lailayuile.wordpress.com/2008/01/24/bits-and-bites-3/
All I can is that it will be interesting to see what good she does with the cash,and she better make it last. You only get one free ride like this in life, so make something out of yourself kiddo.
A funny thing happened on the way to a meeting yesterday. I’m sitting on the bus, minding my own business, when this big,fat stinky redneck guy in the requisite wife-beater shirt sits down across from me. I’m looking out the window, but I can sense his eyes on me, and I look over. Sure enough, he’s staring at me. Or, should I say, my belly. I ignore him for a bit, but he keeps staring right at me. So I look over at him again, and give him my ” F-off and die! ” look. His response?
” Gee, your stomachs big.” This from the genius with the 70 inch beer gut. Everyone’s looking now, including the bus driver in his mirror who obviously thinks this guy has signed his own death certificate.
I look right at him with a smirk,gesture towards his sweaty gut and say with relish : ” I have a fully formed miniature human being inside my body- what’s your excuse?”
He immediately stopped staring, and got off the bus to the continuing snickers and laughs of my fellow passengers and driver. ; )
Which brings me to my headline today – summer grooming etiquette 101. I cannot believe that in this hyper-hygienic and body conscious age that I would even have to go here, but nevertheless- here I am.
Point number one. How is it that people never seem to know they stink when they sweat? Do they really not know, or simply not care ? Either way, it just shouldn’t be happening. There is nothing -NOTHING- worse than being on a bus or sky train sitting next to someone with rampant B.O. Oh, wait, there is something worse than that- it’s actually having to stand next to someone with rampant B.O. while their arm is in the air holding on to the rail!! God, kill me already.
Please! Please,I’m begging you all, for the love of God, take a shower, put on some pit-stick and smell yourself periodically during the day if you are inclined to sweat. It’s just wrong to put your fellow citizens through that kind of torture. Especially on transit. Which leads right into …
Point number two. Men in wife-beater shirts with small dead animals under their arms. AKA: excessive pit hair. WRONG WRONG WRONG. All of it wrong. No wife beaters with afro pit hair. Especially when there appears to be little bits of pit stick all balled up in it. Nasty!!!!
Point number three. Women, we are not exempt from courteous grooming. invest 3 dollars and buy a razor, ladies, nothing ruins a look faster than Sasquatch legs. Get it? Bad.Bad Bad. Pits too. Yuck.
Point number four. The hot weather seems to induce some sort of mental condition where big women think they look like Sports Illustrated bikini models.Why this happens, I’m not sure, but there is actually a study that supports this strange occurrence. No one want to see your muffin top hanging out between your crop shirt and your way too tight jeans or shirt, ever. Really,I’m not joking – unless perhaps you happen to be a chubby chaser. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel cool and sexy, but open your eyes when you look in the mirror, ok? Don’t traumatize us. Blubber only looks cute on whales. That goes for hairy fat men walking around with their shirts off too. Matthew McConaghy you are not.
Point number five. Its going to be hot this weekend, and the beaches will be packed. On the assurances of my teenage daughter that this does in fact need to be said, I leave you with this statement.
Pubic hair poking out of the sides of either male or female swimsuit bottoms is just simply…. not tolerable.