Bits and Bites – Wednesday December 17th – 7 days to go!

 Call me Grinch, call me whatever, but let’s get this weather over with, because I’m really not enjoying this nonsense that passes for massive snowfall in the lower mainland. Or the cold. Parts of me ( see recent post regarding the effects of cold weather on women) are so traumatized from the arctic wind that they may never return to normal. And these weather reports? Pshaw!

I wish I were a meteorologist.

Whatta gig that is. Listening to Mark Madryga in the morning is clearly a bit redundant sometimes. ” Well, Philip, it’s COLD outside… whhoooeee. Chilly coming into work this morning , and it’s snowing out there….” 

No kidding. Really? I couldn’t tell… Think about it. His is the only job where one can be completely wrong  on numerous occasions and still not get a pink slip. How many times have we all heard this report?  ” Well, a storm snuck in from the west, and we really didn’t see that coming”  OR ” Look for some snow and windy conditions  with perhaps clearing skies and a chance of sunny periods or rain at lower elevations…” 

When a meteorologist is right, the impression is that they are somehow personally responsible for whatever weather has occurred. However,in all honesty, I think that you can pretty much say whatever you want and get away with it, so hear this : I am going to start giving you my own weather reports on occasion,starting today, and we’ll see how accurate my completely non-educated opinion is. Here I go, I’m looking outside my door at the sky…… hmmm. Yes, ok, Got it!

” It’s currently just a couple degrees below zero, however the nipple factor is clearly telling me there is a pretty stiff wind in the air( no pun intended) that is making it feel much colder… so bundle up.  Currently, it’s snowing, with larger amounts expected at higher elevations. From the look of the clouds outside, I’d say we are going to see  significantly more snow during the day, so take the broom for wiping your car off after work.  Watch for areas of black ice under the snow in areas where the temperature is hovering around the zero mark. If I were a betting woman, I’d say we are in for a white Christmas…”  Top that Madryga.

Onto the work of the day…

 ” People who do not know how to behave themselves abroad, and represent Poland with dignity, will be eliminated from public service ” 

 These wise words come from the Polish Foreign Minister, after a Polish diplomat was suspended from his post  in Vancouver  following a fender-bender with a firetruck in which he then allegedly left scene. He was followed however, and stopped by police a short time later and asked for a breath sample, which he gladly provided  - allegedly he was found to be three times the legal limit. Everyone is up in arms about such a “disgusting act by a government official from abroad”, which I personally find to be a hilarious attitude considering our Premier did the exact same thing  while vacationing in Hawaii. Granted, the premier wasn’t there in his official capacity, but whatever. Yet another politician behaving badly. For once it would be nice to see someone  ” lead by example”.

This leads me to this story from CBC about how alcohol comsumption has jumped by 8% since 2002- an increase attributed to all the new liquor stores open. The provincial health officer says that increasing the cost of liquor and cracking down on ID requirements will help cut back on underage drinking, and inhibit people from drinking too much. Give me a break. People will always buy liquor, regardless of the cost, teens included, thanks to those who are willing to ‘boot’ for them. Personally, I find it laughable at the hypocrisy demonstrated by the  recent provincial ‘concern’ over smoking and drinking health costs -  considering how much revenue the province makes from taxes on both liquor and cigarettes. Don’t count on any cutbacks any time soon, because as other sectors dwindle, provincial coffers will require that tax revenue more than ever.

Recently I blogged about the increasing lack of customer service at Superstore, due in part by the elimination of the express lanes after the installation of self-check-out machines. The result has been ridiculously long lineups and the resulting waits, regardless if you have two items or two hundred. In  a reply from  ” Raj. R.” Customer Service Relations Representative ( read:  underpaid college dude with an earring who handles complainers like me ) I am told this :

At The Real Canadian Superstore, we strive to offer our customers excellence in customer service alongside offering superior products at great prices. ( Public Relations line )  In order to continue offering great value to our customers our business has considered a variety of opportunities to maintain lower prices in our stores.(Because we want to make even more money)  Further to an extensive research within our stores, we have concluded that the implementation of self checkouts that accept debit and credit cards will have a positive impact on helping us maintain our commitment to remain competitive.( We can fire some cashiers and make more money)   We realize that any change to our current service offering may be of an inconvenience to our loyal customers and hope that you concur with our efforts to meet your shopping needs.” ( We know this screws you all over, but we really could care less because we are making more money.)

Long live capitalism.

And while I enjoy watching the Canucks play along with everyone else, I cannot believe the amount of press time dedicated to the ongoing and seeming never ending hoopla regarding Mats Sundin. Really, who does he think he is? One would think he is the last hockey player on earth, or, the only one who can score for the amount of press he’s getting out of it, which is exactly what he wants,I’m guessing. A little ego stroking perhaps? Which team will I grace with my God-like presence ? Give me a break. It’s just about as sickening as the whole Sean Avery deal. Can anyone say media whore?

And as usual, I like to leave you laughing, so I came up with my own list( in no particular order) of what I think are the…


1) Nose hair clippers. ( what can you possibly say when you open this one?  Gee, thanks for pointing out that I have no idea how disgusting my body grooming is?)

2) Diet pills or gym membership for your wife or girlfriend. ( Do you really want to sleep on the couch for a month? Do you? DO YOU?)

3) A vacuum cleaner. ( This just sucks. Never, ever buy this, or a toaster, or a blender, unless someone specifically tells you they want you to get it for them. Just trust me on this )

4) Home-made gift certificates for dinners, massages, car washes, whatever. ( Can you say cheap and  possibly lazy? Only acceptable from persons aged 10 and under)

5) A black head remover, callous remover, or hair removal kits ( self explanatory)

6) Rogaine ( ouch!)

7) Stupid Christmas Sweaters ( you know what I mean- this is expanded to any clothing item that can only be worn or used at Christmas)

8) Anything that you can only buy on TV. ( this  includes Miracle knives, Handy Slicer Dicer,the Pedi-egg )

9) Chia Pets.

10) Tickets to something YOU want to see and are hoping the recipient will ask you to go to. ( or better yet, they might just give you back the tickets with some excuse. )

That is it for todays Bits and Bites, but feel free to chime in with your worst gift ever.

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One Response to Bits and Bites – Wednesday December 17th – 7 days to go!

  1. Wendy says:

    Some of this list is good, but I would disagree with some of it. *Nose hair clippers are a good thing, after a certain age…I’d have to say that since hair is a natural occurrence it is hard to be offended by the thought of having it…I’d put it in a certain someone’s stocking and not expect to have him/her be offended
    *Personally, I would love a gym membership as a gift, or fitness classes, or home exercise equipment. If my loved ones are thinking about how I love to be active and how health is such an important issue, what better way to show their thoughtfulness
    *Home made gift certificates would be at the TOP of my list. They show that the gift giver has given real thought to what it is I need most or might most enjoy — their warm thoughts and time with them, it shows they are willing to forgo the excessive consumerism of the season in exchange for their own time and energy and gift equity. I would hope that the over 10 crowd never lose this ability to give of themselves.
    *I confess a nostalgic fondness of all things chia.

    I also like home made gifts, not just certificates — jams, jellies, photo collages, spiced nuts, polar fleece throws, bright snowmen, poems, cd music mixes, small performances, etc.

    I wish you much happiness this season…and may all your gifts be mindfully given and received.

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