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Special Feature: A guest blog by Dave Gerry.

I’m sure some of you have wondered what I’ve been up to over the past few months.
Well, to be honest, I seem to be spending a lot of time in my crawlspace.
If you have a crawlspace, and you’ve been down there, you already know that it is the most appropriately-named area of your home.
I don’t do a lot of living in my living room. I eat at the kitchen table more often than dine in the dining room.
And those of you who have a so-called Great Room will have to admit that it’s very rare that anything truly great happens in there.
But, trust me when I tell you, there’s little else that can be done but crawl in a crawlspace..and it’s going to be one of those down on your belly, walking-on-your-painfully-splayed-elbows kind of crawl.
It’s a style of locomotion you haven’t experienced since you were in diapers or perhaps served in a combat infantry unit and had to deal with heavy enemy fire.
There’s also a fair amount of limbo involved with working your way through the subterranean confines of a modern house. You crab walk beneath furnace ducts and water pipes and gas lines.
No one should think of entering a crawlspace without a good set of kneepads.
I bought a pair the other day at a hardware store, showed them to my wife, and got the strangest look.
But that’s another story.
Once you descend into a crawlspace you will find lots to do.
I was replacing a dryer hose but while I was down there flailing and spitting about in a drift net of spider webs, I noticed that much of the tape on the furnace duct joints needed replacing.
So I did that too, even though the duct tape kept folding back on itself, would tear unevenly and snagged on everything in sight.
Good to know that you can curse to your heart’s content in a crawlspace and there’s no one to offend.
Eventually, I found that by systematically following the furnace ducts I had unwisely worked myself to the darkest, most distant corner beneath my house.
The dim light of the crawlspace opening was now an anxiety-provoking distance away.
And then my flashlight died.
It just browned out.
Not now ! Not now !”
And, of course, I smacked it a couple of times as if I could shock it back to life.
But it had lapsed into a full D-cell coma.
I was alone in the inky, dusty black.
And so I crawled back toward the spectral light of the crawlspace opening with a rising tide of panic in my throat.
I tore through the cobwebs, dove under the pipes, skittered over the mouse droppings, negotiated through the spaghetti junction of telephone wires and tv cables until I was, once again, able to stand fully erect.
And I breathed a big, big sigh of relief.
It was like I had been on a terrible little journey.
The reason I went down there in the first place was to tidy up for the guy who was coming to install a water meter.
You know you’re anal retentive when you’re cleaning up a crawlspace for company.
Dave Gerry
crawlspace-003
 * Dave Gerry is a Canadian writer/broadcaster/producer. He has worked for every major broadcast entity in the country and has produced 13 one hour documentaries, 26 half hour specials as well as countless feature stories for various newscasts over the course of his 33 year career.
Dave is  currently working on several segments for CBC’s ‘Living Vancouver’, which airs at 3 pm Pacific Time, Monday to Friday. The first one is scheduled to air on December 9th

19 Comments »

  1. Ahahahha!!
    That picture is so hilarious! Nice to see you again Dave, thanks for making my day. I’ll tape you on CBC so I can watch you when I get home from work.

    Laila, thanks for this. Your blog is the first thing I read when I get to work -shh. Don’t tell!
    TKS!

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  2. Grand! Just Grand!!!

    God, I hate, HATE, the crawl space. I go down once a year and the wifey here stands at the hole and shouts at me ” Is everything ok? How is it down there?”

    I’m like, how the heck do you think it is down here? Why don’t you come see? Spiders and crap everywhere. Yuck.

    Great to see you back, we’ll be taping you too.

    Laila, great blog, good mix of topics,and its the one thing the wife and I can agree on. Oh yeah, she just reminded that sometimes we argue about what you wrote about, but its all good.
    Keep us posted on those show times ok?

    Pete and Remmi.

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  3. I know how you feel Dave. Over a year ago I replaced all the water pipes and changed the flexible dryer pipe to solid insulated ductwork. I found that aluminum tape lasts much longer than duct tape. It will not break down over time. Also, if you restrict your tape to approximately 8 inch lengths, then the chance of the tape wrapping around your fingers is greatly reduced. We must have a “Great” crawl space as it has lights and heat.

    I bought some “gel” filled kneepads a few months ago and my wife shook her head at me and rolled her eyes. It must be a guy thing!

    One problem we have is rats in the crawl space. I have caught 3 so far. I have to see how they are getting in.

    It is good to hear that your sense of humour is intact and I will be looking forward to seeing you on CBC. It is good to know that they made such a good decision having you on. Now all they need to do is bring back Simi and you two can continue your show!!

    I do not watch City TV since I found out what they did to the 3 of you. I hope others will also boycott the station. I am disappointed. I thought they were smarter than that.

    Don’t give up! And let us know when you are doing any other shows as well!

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  4. Oh yeah, its a guy thing.

    I got some great knee pads at Revy, set me back 60 bucks but man, easy on the knees! I had two ducts come loose this year due to the jostling of construction next door, and so down I went with the old tape. Sure bites down there and I hate those freaking spider webs ! turns out I would have been heating my crawlspace if I didnt re-attach them.
    Good to see you back Dave, cant stand all the metro-sexual, whimpy guys on tv nowadays. Not to knock kyle, but has he ever had dirty hands? A callous?

    Where did all the real men go for us manly men?

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  5. Just a quick hello cuz i’m at work and not supposed to be surfing! sooooo happy to read this, i missed you dave!

    gotta go, and keep it coming. nita

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  6. Dave! Welcome back! I have moved to California so missed all of the fairly recent drama but was shocked to hear about it from friends. It is good to see (read) you.

    Fantastic story!! OF COURSE the flashlight faded out…it wouldn’t have the makings of a fantastic story otherwise! Perfect timing. I am so glad you wore that hat because all I could think about was spiders…

    I am hoping I can see your CBC clips online so I’ll be looking for them.
    Take good care.

    Tamara Komuniecki
    (nee Nowakowsky), formerly of City TV

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  7. Even cable guys hate crawl spaces! When we needed some problem fixed and called Shaw service, the first guy who showed up poked around, determined it was a problem “down there” and started to pack up his tool box. I asked where he was going and he said “I don’t do crawl spaces. Call for another service and they’ll send another dude.” So – another 6 day waiting period, another service “dude” and my cable was working again. I also must ask: “Where have all the manly men gone?” Our TV does NOT stop on channel 13 any more. Never.Nada.Zip. Although CBC is usually reserved for “Dragons Den”, “Air Farce” , “22 Minutes” and “Rick Mercer”, it will now include “Living Vancouver.” Welcome back.

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  8. This is awesome. Miss you and Simi on TV still. I miss my morning laughs…no…morning “guffaws”. Now I let my kids watch their cartoons in the mornings.

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  9. Dave, great to have you back! You’ve been missed. Ah yes, the great joy of entering that musty dark, web-encrusted hole beneath the house. The “fun” of installing a second toilet and all the pleasure of hacksawing, gluing and fitting plumbing with rocks sticking into my back… Yes, this was a dirt floor crawl space. Of course, the area where I was doing the work was at the opposite end of the house from the crawl space hatchway. What a joy to re-enter the heat and light of the house only to have my wife immediately attack me with the vacuum cleaner hose, only to find that I can’t seem to straighten up…

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  10. Dave … how we’ve missed you!

    Did you hear the collective sigh from all the readers this morning? Did you feel the effect of equilibrium returning to the start of our day? Did the glow from our collective smiles shine brighter than the morning sun?

    Thanks for the journey into the crawl space … I loved the manly-man banter in the comments too!

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  11. Ohhh Dave – how fabulous to see you and read your words – as others have said — YOU ARE MISSED!!!!! My mornings are still discombobulated and I will look forward to your new musings on CBC.

    Loved the story about the crawl space – when I moved four years ago I paid my son to clear out the crawl space – worth every penny after reading your story. But he is young and had a strong back.

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  12. Hey Dave ,

    I m so glad that ur back on tv again , i miss u guys i stopped watching Bt since u guys left..

    seems that Ckvu always changes i fed up with that ..im sure others are in agreement.

    As for the crawl space ya its sucks ,,, lucky for me i don’t have one , just a attic with blown insulation lol

    Look forward in watching u on CBC ..

    Best regards Al

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  13. Hey Dave! Just wanted to say I missed you and Simi sooooooooooooo much. I’m not in the biz… just a real fan of you both, and missing BT since I turned it off when you left. (Well it took me a couple of weeks to figure out you weren’t on holidays)

    I liken City TV’s loss of the both of you to the CBC’s loss of the “Hockey Night in Canada” theme.

    Look forward to seeing you on the CBC,

    Aquamom

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  14. I think I have been down in the crawlspace of life since you and simi left BT. I have relegated City TV to a crawlspace since you both left, decided to come out myself only to find you on line. miss you….. Catherine

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