It’s your turn now

Posted on by Laila

After so many months of not blogging,it feels weird to be even drafting a new post-it doesn’t flow smoothly and after several attempts this is how I’ll just start: a response to an email….

“Hey Laila, why don’t you blog anymore?

Because I’m tired…tired of preaching to the choir.
Because I still believe that in politics its important to do what is right…not just what’s politically expedient ( hey Trudeau, that includes you- you never mentioned real change only referred to your socks..)
Because that isn’t what’s happening right now.
Because I see too many on the left still willing to turn a blind eye to the failings of their own parties-we expect it from the right,show how you are different.
Because that last reason is exactly how and why the BC Libs became so arrogant and corrupt.
Because too many either still don’t see how their own behavior turns people off of politics completely or pushes them away…or they do and still persist.
Because there are so many issues still dividing progressives & it upsets me to see good people torn down by those they fought beside for years because they dared to break rank.
Because if the left can’t get it together in a big way we will see more Doug Fords.
Because good mla’s accept the whip when they know it is wrong.And it heightens cynicism.Which keeps people from voting & also gives us more Doug Fords.
Because people think others should do the heavy lifting but don’t want to put themselves out there.
Because I feel like after a decade of blogging and columns I couldn’t make a dent in the adversarial,toxicly partisan nature of politics that makes people tune out and not vote.
Because most people still fail to understand their vote is tremendously powerful and the only way to stop the Trumps & Fords of this world.
Because it isn’t that I stopped caring,but cared so much about all of this that it made me sick.
Because everyone has a limit…and I finally reached mine…”

I’ve been gone a long time. Following the site c decision and into the new year,I struggled with Raynauds flare ups far worse than in previous winters,and to top it off, my hair started falling out…in large amounts after the site c decision. Tests were inconclusive as to why but in the end stress is one trigger for raynauds..and for hair loss as well. It finally stopped after a couple months but not before taking shitty heart meds,many tears and yes,cutting bangs one day in frustration to try and hide the thinning.

In learning to deal with stress I have learned I don’t actually ‘deal’ with it. I internalize it & ignore it and that is not without physical and mental repercussions.I had to learn to let go of what I could not fix..and I am still learning.It’s a conscious daily effort.But what I do know is I can’t do politics anymore. It’s an exercise in futility and it took a toll on my health I am no longer willing to pay.

I’m doing much better-new hair is an inch long and mixing in well with the rest.I’m happy not following politics other than what friends post. I still have opinions and moments where outrage bubbles up but I take a breath,rant a moment to my friends and then let it go…phew..
Todays news of Anthony Bourdains suicide is devastating though,and this piece struck home. https://medium.com/@snarkysteff/the-burden-of-being-bourdain-737f08fecb3e

”

I’m thinking a lot right now of a woman I told off a few months ago. Bourdain had come up in conversation and she railed against him because he didn’t “do enough” about the situations he saw in the world.

Really? And how does one “do enough”? How does one shine the spotlight on all things while trying to fix them too? It’s impossible. Some of us are meant to hold the mirror, and others are meant to get in there and tinker. Bourdain was a mirror-holder. He did it so well. So many of us learned more about the world around us, and shattered our illusions, thanks to mirrors held by the likes of Bourdain.

~snip~

Yet someone like that woman can’t understand that the best someone like me or Bourdain can do is to keep pointing out how this situation hasn’t improved with modernity, it’s still there, it needs fixing.

And maybe, in the end, what got Bourdain is the futility of repeating the message. The fatigue of being demanded to do more, and the hopelessness of knowing he couldn’t…”

I’m a mirror-holder too,not anywhere near the way that Anthony Bourdain was.Not even close.But here at home in BC, in my own small way I held that damn mirror up to show what I think is wrong…is still wrong…but no one wanted to look in the mirror.
I get these passages( please read the whole piece) and while I thankfully have never suffered from depression or felt suicidal...I don’t want to ever end up like this either

So, it’s your turn now-it’s time for a new chapter in my life. You have the tools to hold elected officials accountable,the most powerful tool being your vote.
The BC Liberals have zero credibility on nearly every single issue they try to act sanctimonious about in opposition,so use this as your starting point.It was their policies or lack thereof over 16 years that made BC a money laundering hub,that gave corporate donors free reign,and decimated both BC’s education system and social services. Never forget.

That doesn’t mean you can sit back and relax now though.While good changes have been made under the NDP,alarming ones have too,like this: https://www.google.ca/amp/vancouversun.com/opinion/op-ed/ben-parfitt-british-columbians-shortchanged-billions-from-fossil-fuel-industry-revenues/amp

Largely ignored in the outrage over JT’s stupidest move ever in buying out the pipeline,it’s something you need to watch.Concealing royalties? Why?

You need to question this.The BC Liberals arrogance grew to astronomical proportions largely in part because their supporters allowed it to flourish. They turned a blind eye to all of it because they wanted to stay in power.

Don’t. Do. That. Ndp or Green..don’t do that. Ok? Being loyal to your party should never mean accepting questionable or outright terrible policy,nor should it mean turning a blind eye to egregious actions like deleting emails…

So this is it my friends. Before I go…thank you. Thank you for more than a decade of being here.For the comraderie,the friendships made,the stories shared…take care of you and yours. Be kind. Love well.

❤

PS: Rip? You got this✊

*In light of the recent events & because I have always been a mental health advocate,I’m posting this info below. Someone you know may be struggling and may not be able to reach out.This may help you…or them. If you are in crisis,please call one of the numbers below. You do matter. 🙏

** Also, if I see something I think you need to pay attention to I will add it to the comments below as needed.

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56 thoughts on “It’s your turn now”

  1. Thank you Laila,

    I’m one of many who have missed your communication. I’m one of many who understand where you’re coming from. Thanks for what to have given me. Eyes wide open.

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  2. Our souls torn asunder…..there’s nobody there except those that matter….my silence speaks volumes, as does yours…

    Along with your health, the words will return too….those that matter never returned, because they never left..

    Friday night thoughts….be well Laila

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  3. I have missed you and your insights, I feel for you as I went through a similiar dry spell since the last year during a lot of changes in our lives, my fibromyalgia and PTSD flaired over the last while possible from all the stress we’ve experienced. Just so many daily doses of stress on top of life can be draining, no one seems to be listening and yet a silent voice has no chance of being heard. I wish that you would consider continue blogging, maybe its time just to talk about the people and life in BC and drop the political commentary. My heart goes out to you and my door is always open should you ever want to travel up my way. I think of you everytime I sit down in front of my computer which is every day. Get well, be well, stay well…you have made a difference…you have inspired many and I am one of them, thank you.

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    1. Aww Rhyanna I have missed you too and am sad to hear of so many troubles. It is hard and despite so many saying otherwise no one really wants to be bothered with others troubles when they ask “How are you doing?” 😦

      I fear that while media covers Kinder Morgan endlessly other equally if not more important stories are going untold.
      Why are royalties being hidden as I linked to above?
      Well, while govt talks a good line on KM, no ones paying attention to LNG or how the new govt is taking tax subsidies that they slammed Clark for to an entirely new level. Silence. Or that we send the condensate needed to dilute that bitumen to the oilfields thereby contributing to its use…more silence.
      Condensate production makes lng more profitable. Not sure why they need bigger subsidies than Clark offered…I could go on but it will stress me out and I kinda like my hair you know? 😝

      Thanks for the invite 🙂 I think you have my email? If not I will pop you off a note tonight.

      Much love & chat soon.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Today’s challenge is reaching the most disconnected generations while having the most intercontinental connections of all time. Can we teach people to listen and act rather than simply bemoan what ails around us. I would love to work on a book with you! Huggs…

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        1. I agree on reaching disaffected or uninterested people but I dont think its a generational thing. I see people of all ages not caring or seeing the relevence to their lives. For most life just takes up all your time and politics bores people.

          We have all these ways of connecting but I think in many cases its overwhelming.

          For me,it’s far less stressful to just recognize its not something I can or even want to fix anymore. At some point people have to just take responsibility for their own ignorance or lack of interest. Unfortunately most dont until some policy directly impacts their own life.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. Big Ta from me too Laila. Take fucking care of yourself. Have a listen to what is The Damned’s last song from their recent “Evil Spirits” record as I did this morning. Well crafted it is and called “I Don’t Care.” It is not so much the words, it is the tasteful horns that capture where you are at and where, not yet conclusively, you will find me. Make the most of your circumstance for it is life, and life only. x.

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    1. Hello Beer. One of the first of the original bloggers and here at the end which is full circle. No one says it like you do. 🙂 Had a listen and bang on. I have always tried to inspire others but I’m not finding much to inspire myself politically.

      Hang in there Beer. 🙏

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  5. You did far more than your share, Laila. And you made a difference. Not many in that category.

    I’m reminded of the old adage about leading a horse to water but being unable to make it drink. No amount of passion (even compassionate passion) will overcome the natural makeup of that horse.

    Thanks for inspiring a hell of a lot of us. This one won’t be surprised to see you leading horses in the future, but will very much understand why your choice might be to keep it closer to home.

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    1. Thanks Lew. You keep asking questions and pointing out the wrongs. Like Rich Coleman and why he disbanded the money gaming enforcement team before all this money laundering in casinos got out of control. Funny thing that was…..I do feel worried for whatever city he decides to run for mayor of, if he does.

      No leading here. I have no plans to run for any office. Too cynical. My gardens a good place to be right now. Keep in touch ok? And be well.

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  6. Thank you for so many moments of outrage. The whole of blogging (what I read, in any case) seems to have slowed, either to take a breath, or to redirect energies. The enormity of crises and the pervasiveness of nasty and corrupt behaviour is daunting, and leads to conclusions along the lines of this piece (likely will have seen it) from the Disaffected Liberal:https://the-mound-of-sound.blogspot.com/2018/06/learning-to-let-go.html

    In any case, wishing you well with gardens, dogs, kids, friends and whatever you choose to take up.

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    1. Thanks for being here. My outrage was infectious at times..lol.

      Just staying healthy is the goal right now. Would love to do another column or feature one day but not on politics. People. People matter. Lives. Stories that inspire and move others.

      Be well 🙂 and thank you.

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  8. Always a big fan of yours, Laila, in fact, your posts helped convince me twitter was the place to be. I am so glad you made it to the island. No place is perfect, but this place has a leg up on most others. I have missed and will continue to miss your often definitive tweets, but I respect your decision and support it.

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    1. Ha! Not sure if that was a good thing…twitter has deteriorated into a massive pile of toxic crap from most accounts. Totally preventable but Twitter refuses to stop the abuse.

      Anyways, you arent that far so our paths should cross at some point 🙂 Thanks for your wonderful manner of being 🙂

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  11. It’s always great to hear your voice Laila. I would read you writing the phone book. You are a born leader and who knows…I’d like to see a person like you in power. I think you would do great things. But this can not come at the expense of your well being and your health. And it is not your job to be a saviour. I also feel your pain. Lately I’ve been worried about how much anger I feel – and it’s because I’m so focused on political issues. I am trying to find a way to continue to do that but without losing myself and being eaten up inside. It’s tough to balance the two things.

    I wish you all the very best and I have to tell you, I miss the lovely photos you shared when you were on Twitter. If you decide you ever want to blog your beach walks and sunsets… anyway. I hope this isn’t the last we hear from you. You’re a great person and the world needs great people like you…but the world also needs to take care of the great people and not burden them.

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    1. You are very sweet. Don’t let the anger take that from you, ok? I’ve been hearing a lot from friends who also feel stuck or a feeling of political paralysis because of the site c decision which was so clearly wrong and that so many mlas who agreed suddenly defended the indefensible.
      Your most powerful move is to vote. They spend so much money just to get your vote it is obscene. And then you are stuck for 4 years. Partisanship will be the death of democracy 😦

      And no, no plans for running for any office. Health & family first.

      Be well. Keep in touch. And thanks for being here. 🙏

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  12. Dearest Laila, thinking of you and sending love. Have missed your wisdom and engagement so much but fully understand what you have been through and what you must do tomremain whole. I think you live in the best place to do that.
    Many blessings and much love, Cynthia.

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  13. Thank you so much for your insights. I will miss them. Thanks again and please continue to look after yourself. Life is too precious.

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  14. I miss you. But am very happy you are looking after yourself. It’s a f’ing weird time. Take good care of you. Enjoy your beautiful surroundings and family. Thanks for being there. ♥️

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    1. Miss you too. 😦 Thats the hardest part. But healthwise I know its for the best. I felt like I was smacking my head against the wall. It really is so hard to see the same people who hounded the BC Libs stay silent when their own party does something similar…or worse…
      Take care of you too, ok? Always here via the contact page 🙂

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  15. You were always a sane voice who exposed the truth in a quagmire of lies, deceit and manipulation. Unfortunately you weren’t able to completely change the world, but you inspired a lot of people who continue to fight the powers that be when it comes to the Kinder Morgan pipeline, Site C and the lies and arrogance of the past and present governments.

    PS: if you’re ever in the Lower Mainland and want to drop by to meet the twins, the offer still stands 😊

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    1. This made me smile 🙂 I will for sure come by next time I am over to see the twins !! I’ll still post things I think you all need to see in the comments on this post when I see them so check in now and then or subscribe to the comments.
      I’m glad to have crossed paths with you.🙏

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  16. Dear Laila,
    I want to thank you for your articles on political arrogance and incompetence. You deserve an award for all the hard work you have done to expose government misdeeds. I’m going to miss your articles. It’s just a shame someone of your calibre and integrity is not recognized.
    Thank you
    Be well

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    1. Very kind of you John. Not holding out much hope for any kind of corruption inquiry despite clear evidence of it in so many sectors that it crosses over government. And so many leftovers from the prior govt kept on by the new, that its no wonder Michelle Mungall is starting to sound like old Bill Bennett. According to her recent words, hydros in good hands….😂😂😂
      Just keep them all accountable, ok? Thanks for being here

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  17. Hi Laila,
    I understand where you are coming from. In mid May I took time off to “plant tomatoes”. I just made my first postings since then. It was difficult. I am making one last stand to make a change on my local city council and to hold the BC NDP accountable for Site C. Good luck in the future. We hope to hear from you from time to time, but it is time for others to take our places.
    cheers,
    Harold

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    1. Richmond is so lucky to have you Harold. Not blogging but not gone 🙂 Come visit the valley and swap stories over a cuppa sometime, ok? I’ll shoot you off my contacts.

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  18. You really are a wonderful mermaid. Every time I drive round Point Holmes, I watch for you by the shoreline. I’m especially hopeful on stormy days.
    Waving madly, heart-full gladly,
    John

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    1. Ah there you are John! 🙂
      Mermaids drink coffee you know? Send me your info via the contact page and it would be lovely to be in touch. 🙂

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  23. Dear Laila, I think it was you who introduced me to the world of blogging some six or eight years ago. It was pre Port Mann and I followed you religiously, then picked up a few others. But you were my favourite – the first one I turned to in the morning. My cup of coffee!
    I used to work myself into a fervor, but no more. I realized all the worry, angst and railing weren’t cutting it and I made a vow to stop worrying. I still feel useless, but I don’t have the stress of worrying any more.
    You made a wise decision and we’ll all be poorer for it, but you will be healthy and happy, and that’s what’s important.
    One thing about waiting so long to visit, the trout are up to 5 pounds now. A couple have your name on them!

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    1. Hi John 🙂 Fond memories of those stories!! Couldnt have done them without a lot of teaching & guidance of how the industry and bids work. Many thanks.

      Keep those fish for me!Much healthier now but definitely want to avoid future issues and the focus is on kids and my regular life now rather than politics. But I’ll still be posting links to things I think you all should be watching as time allows. Thanks for being here 🙂

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  24. Ahhhhhh dear Lady! I suspect BC Mary is watching over your shoulder and saying “it’s about damn time!” I admit I was getting worried about not hearing your voice here on your blog. I’m sad to see one of the clearest prevailing minds/writers leave the scene, but I sure as hell understand why!
    Take good care of you and yours, and thanks for being a strong voice for reason all these years.
    Mostly….thanks for being you.

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    1. Bc mary would be tossing her hands in the air at somethings going on right now. She definitely wouldnt turn her cheek to some of whats happening under the ndp either 😉

      I hope you are well Leah and thank you. 🙏💕

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  25. Dear Laila, I havent forgotten, after a decade, the most impressive work you did.- a service so wrongly ignored, but so revealing. Glad to have found you again, and to tell you how greatly I continue to appreciate your investigative reporting, though I agree you must leave it alone now.
    Your name should head the list of the best female investigative reporters that B.C.has ever had.
    I feel that I represent a multitude of others who at the time read your work and were inspired to tell others of your discoveries re Liberal misdeeds. Thank you.

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    1. Very kind words- thank you, but must correct you-not a reporter..☺!!

      A lot of the best of page stories ( which is not updated in forever) are still relevent and always will be because the nature of where corruption so easily occurs in public projects. Thats not going to change under any government that refuses to hold a corruption inquiry. And there are a lot of stories that remain untold so plenty of fodder for one.

      All the best and thank you.

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  26. I’ll be back to reply individually later on, but wanted to warn friends & readers that at least one friend-Norman Farrell- received a phishing email with a strange address using my name as the header.

    I have not emailed anyone here, so please use caution and before you even open any email, check the actual address, not just the name that shows up.
    Likely whoever did this will switch to another name or maybe its just programmed that way. Whatever you do, do NOT click on any links in any strange emails you receive.

    If you ever aren’t sure, contact me here via the contact page to confirm. I won’t ever email you randomly out of the blue saying “Hey look at this”

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  27. Laila, I was introduced to your blog 3 or 4 years ago by a friend, and have read you ever since.

    I know you made a difference, even if you couldn’t win every battle. You made people think, consider more aspects of the challenges that face us, and go deeper than they would normally do.

    As the first of the boomers, my husband and I have seen each succeeding decade of Canadian young adults to have less knowledge of our history, and a much lighter sense of connection to their fellow citizens and the well-being of our country than our depression and war tempered parents. Starting with ourselves, I think the need to work together was progressively undermined by increasing prosperity, and by parents desire to spare children the hard times they experienced. Culminating in this ‘trophy kid’ generation now coming to maturity -as the post war prosperity dream fractures under the excesses and inequities of the globalised marketplace- we are not well-equipped to ’stay calm and carry on’. In the last decade the cracks in the system have grown to crevasses, and as a nation, we are gobstruck. Long retired, I have often said that as boomers finally leave their jobs and have the time to take a real look around at the country and communities they have been too busy to deeply engage in for decades, they are going to say ‘oh my god’. And indeed they are, as all the holes in the fabric of our society grew under under our distracted attention. Turns out corporations have different values than people- who’d have thought?

    But what gives me hope is that among these young people, buried under student debt, realising they are priced out of a home in many cities, learning their parents can’t fix what really matters for them and just woefully unprepared for real hard time, is a growing, newly politically alert and societally engaged segment who are digging in and trying to learn the ropes of ‘operating our democracy’ for the benefit of citizens. I am utterly sure that the conversations you carried on with your readers rippled through to a far wider audience. You have been a great part of the start of a real political education for our next generation of leaders in BC and beyond.

    Our thanks

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    1. Poignant comment 🙂
      I did find much hope among younger readers not willing to get caught up in partisan crap that creates cynics-if they csn manage to increase voter turnout and avoid the increasing use of Trumplike toxic rhetoric and divisive politics theres hope.

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  28. Oh Laila,

    I think of you often and wish all good things for you. I have you to thank (and blame!) for opening my eyes, challenging me to be true to myself (at times, challenging), and do better for my community.

    I miss your sage advice, wisdom, knowledge, and truth.

    Thank you for having such an amazing impact on me. I would love to keep in touch if even just to see how Rollo is doing and how life on the island is treating you.

    May the coming days find you strength and healing.

    Lots of love to you and your family.

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  29. Thank you for all of your work – I miss hearing your voice in the Twitterverse. It was refreshing to have a voice like yours who analyzed things in a way others would not. Please take care of YOU and do what you need to do for your health. ❤

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    1. Seeing your name makes me smile 🙂 I thank you for the kind words too,not all appreciate how I see things. Although I think a few more ‘get it’ now 😉

      I didn’t anticipate a return but the arrogance of Rich Coleman needs to be quashed. His comments during the election betrayed his high horse of entitlement and there are so many unanswered questions on so many issues his fingers have touched.

      I miss you too. Be well and keep up your wonderful advocacy. You are a beautiful soul 🙏

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